Four Months of Thoughts

Tomorrow marks the fourth month that I haven't hurt myself.

As I thought about that on my hot drive home the other day, I came to the realization that this is the farthest I have gone without cutting since the nine months in 2010. Its kind of sad when i think of it that way, four months is hardly anything at all and yet its the longest I have gone, I cant help but feel a tad pathetic.

I would like to say that its getting easier to fight urges and get through each day, however, I cant really say that easy is the word I would use.

I have gotten smarter, more cautious.

I have rules and rituals and plans when it comes to razors and what I let myself be around.

Anyways, I am trying to keep positive about making it this far, but there's a weird feeling that I feel about it, something like I made it this far (to a goal) so now I can cut. Its confusing, I guess.

I'm keeping going, one day at a time.