Passing Thought

As many of you have heard, this morning at 5:15 am, my grandmother passed away.

I am dedicating this post to her.

You know that old woman that has become grumpy and crotchety as years passed? Well, I hate to say, that was my grandma. You just had to love her anyway. For all she taught me and all the laughs we had over my twenty years, I will never forget my grandma Pat.

We all knew that this day was fast approaching, but I guess you cant really pepare yourself for something like that. Twoish years ago she went into renal failure and since had been on dialysis four times a week, she wasnt doing awful, but obviously wasnt feeling completely herself after that . As the years have gone on she became more and more sick, a couple months ago she was diagnosed with Lung cancer. She made it through chemo, but the doctors later found that the cancer had spread into her spine.

For the last several weeks she was going through radiation and was about to start chemo again, but she just wasnt strong enough anymore. She chose to go off all of the treatments for her cancer and her kidney and to end her pain.

I am so proud of her to have made that desicion, it was the best that she could have and I know she was ok with her choice.

The doctors said that the cancer would start to spread, she would sleep more and more, and then one day not wake again. In the few days that she was in the hospital, I heard that it would be a couple months, then within five days, to my mom telling me she had passed.

Today, as a family, we all went to say our final goodbyes and support my grandpa in his time of grieving.

I was, I dont know, scared to see her. I walked in (last) and there she was, laying in bed as if everything was normal, except the fact that she looked tiny in the bed and you could just see all life was gone. It was hard to watch everyone crying and upset, but she seemed peacful and I know that she is more comfortable now, in a better place.

I will miss her so much, she tought me a ton of things, believe it or not I retain a lot of information in twenty years. She definitely taught me patience (for her), and she loved all of us so much.

I am honored to have had my grandmother in my life as long as I did and I can only hope that she is looking down on me now, proud of who I have become.

I love you grandma. I will do you proud!

Just Thinking

Hey Guys,

I haven't been around, but I cant really tell you where I have been.

I realize that that sounds sketch, but I just don't have an explanation as to my absence. I have tried blogging, but nothing really sticks for me, so I don't bother.

I am in a state of numbness, but apparently (says the psychiatrist) that is a good thing.

As far as everyhting else, I am doing alright. We all slip and fall and have to keep going, I have been trying to focus on keeping going.

I will get back at you guys, anything you want to hear fill me in and I will address it.