Just turned twenty one the other day, that would matter except I HATE drinking and woo hoo one more year of life....(eye roll)
...Plus alcohol and anti depressants and such....bad, so they say.
Anyways, I was down, real down, heading into that same ol' darkness. I didn't want it to get that far and I refused to leave my psychiatrists office until he did something about the paralyzing anxiety that I felt every day, that I fought every day.
So I got yet another pill (not quite my favorite)
The good news: I feel like it may be working.
Hope...no. The makings of maybe some hope....yeah, sure. In any case my anxiety has gone down considerable, although I forget that its a twice daily pill. Two times a day is quite a commitment. ha!
Nonetheless, things seem to be going alright, I can make it through most days no problem, but every so often have a complete total "bipolar days"...or several.
I'm not going to just say that I am full of hope and happy flowers and butterflies and all other sweet, wonderful things... I'm just saying that lately things have been a bit easier handle.
I have said it before, but I am hoping this time I'm one month into forever stopping.
Twenty one is a perfect time to try and start new, healthier, but I am not calling it hope yet.
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Day 30
I apologize that it has taken me so long for this last one, but I am getting to it now and really that's all that counts.
30. Post your favorite picture of yourself and write a positive message to look back on.
30. Post your favorite picture of yourself and write a positive message to look back on.
I don't have a favorite photo or a positive anything, but I have a favorite human and any photo that he is in with me is a good one. He is a light in my darkness.
Not so Therapeutic
I've been here and I've been there. I've been making it one day at a time. Slow and cautious. Anyways, that isn't what this post is dedicated to, this post is dedicated to therapists.
I image that at least half, if not more, of the people who read this are seeing a therapist or have in the past. I guess it really isn't a big deal, seeing a therapist, people go for so many different reasons that it just seems like no big deal, the usual, the norm. Rough.
So lets start at the beginning of the story. It started about two years back when I got home from college. I stated seeing Beth on a weekly basis, she worked, wasn't good, wasn't bad, but tolerated my bad attitude and resistance to share.
Since that first appointment I have had an appointment with her practically every single week. Still not so keen on the whole "lets share our feelings", "lets figure out whats going on in your head" stuff. But really, that's just me, I don't talk about me as much as possible.
Anyways, I'm off track, just slightly, but still off track. What I am getting at is that when you are with someone that long you build a relationship, you start to know things about each other that you don't have to share over and over because they already know, they already know your story.
So what do you do when that therapist that knows you so well is no longer your therapist?! People who don't have a therapist don't really understand, however, I promise you that it sucks.
My therapists insurance changed and she no longer takes mine, I am stuck getting a new one.
I'm going to have to share my story all over again and let a whole new person try to pry my head open and find an emotion. That is irritating.
Its so much bigger a deal then you could ever know.
I image that at least half, if not more, of the people who read this are seeing a therapist or have in the past. I guess it really isn't a big deal, seeing a therapist, people go for so many different reasons that it just seems like no big deal, the usual, the norm. Rough.
So lets start at the beginning of the story. It started about two years back when I got home from college. I stated seeing Beth on a weekly basis, she worked, wasn't good, wasn't bad, but tolerated my bad attitude and resistance to share.
Since that first appointment I have had an appointment with her practically every single week. Still not so keen on the whole "lets share our feelings", "lets figure out whats going on in your head" stuff. But really, that's just me, I don't talk about me as much as possible.
Anyways, I'm off track, just slightly, but still off track. What I am getting at is that when you are with someone that long you build a relationship, you start to know things about each other that you don't have to share over and over because they already know, they already know your story.
So what do you do when that therapist that knows you so well is no longer your therapist?! People who don't have a therapist don't really understand, however, I promise you that it sucks.
My therapists insurance changed and she no longer takes mine, I am stuck getting a new one.
I'm going to have to share my story all over again and let a whole new person try to pry my head open and find an emotion. That is irritating.
Its so much bigger a deal then you could ever know.
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