Some Kind of Poetic Thoughts

Bum      bum      bum      bum

Calm

Bumbum     Bumbum     Bumbumm

Fear setting in

That old melancholy feeling

Absorbing into my bones

Dudun      Dudun      Dudun

At the end

The rope cut

No other choice

Thoughts circling

Twisting, twirling around my head

Taken deeper and deeper into the darkness

THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD

Now. Nows the time

No other choice

Can you hear it?

Can you feel it?

Its shouting

Holding out its hand

The light in a world of pitch black

My saving grace

Budun    Budun    Budun

Sliced through the tangled thoughts

Sliced through the darkness

Light.

Seen through a sliver made in the night

Bum      bum      bum     bum

The world is clearing

Calm

The worlds moving quick

A devil for one

The rest naïve

The darkness to consume me

Bum     bum

Just Another Thought

As my life goes, if it isnt one thing its the other.

If I am not going crazy and hurting myself I am sick and yarfing.

There really should be an in-between, but in my world... there really isnt.



As stated in the last post, I feel like things may be looking up a bit, not a week after that post I started to get sick. Its kind of a well known fact in my house that I am ALWAYS sick. Life is rough.



Now.
The problem is that being sick makes you miserable and sad and unhappy and gives you way too much time to think. Laying there in bed, feeling like death, what better do you have to do? Yeah, not really anything, just think and barf.

A couple times in the last few days I have been urged to hurt myself. Obviously, I was in no condition to get up, sneak away, and cut myself....for no actual reason other than my body and mind told me that I needed to.

Puking=difficulty taking meds.
Difficulty taking meds= anxiety.

But alas, I am getting better for now.



As I laid on our sunken, uncomfortable, brown couch I caught myself thinking about cutting. It's a pretty common theme in my thinks, so nothing abnormal.

My heart breaks for everyone out there who is hurting themselves. Most days I just ache to be more, I want to fix the world, I want to make some difference, I want to stop people from suffering.

Obviously, I cant. But, nonetheless, my heart breaks. Pain that is enough to get you to cause physical pain upon yourself.... that's some major pain and I wish it upon NO ONE.

I refuse to live my life without making a difference.