My one goal: make it a year. Yeah right, you're crazy, that'd never happen, impossible I said, crazy talk. But why not try?! I've got nothing to lose and, surprisingly, a lot to gain (which took me awhile to see).
When you're waiting for something to come or something to happen it seems like it takes decades. You just keep waiting for the end result, but it is just right out of your reach, it tortures you, it gawks at you. I felt like a year was an eternity, was I ready to give up my blade for an eternity? I wasn't confident in myself, I doubted my own strength (I still don't).....i was scared.
So, i guess what it all boils down to is that my goal of making it one year really was me making it an eternity. What was I to do? Go a year and then PHEWW I made it, lets start again...i dont think that'd work. My goal was me really saying that I'm dedicated to my healing, I was ready to fight no matter what.
As of February 10,2014 I have successfully made it one year without turning to a blade, without taking the easy route. Its hard at times, really hard, but I am still going strong and don't plan on giving up.
My life has been changing a ton, not just completing my biggest goal, but I am in a program to become an EMT and if I pass the test at the end of the month I could be certified (crazy!!),and I've gotten a new therapist. Her name, just like the last one, is Beth so I just call her "new Beth". I think I like her, I just don't like talking about me still, and finally I moved out of my parents house.
I feel like things may be looking up and I am doing what I can to stay cut free and move forward in my life. I want to be able to look back and be proud of how far I've come.
