We all struggle. Cutting is a dificult thing. It comes in waves and you have to hang on to something, anything to anchor you yo reality. Reality that you can make it. Like every wave, it will pass.
I will admit that I forget that sometimes also. It is hard to think optimistically when the wave of emotions are crushing you, you can't breathe.
The breathe comes back, the strength of desire and hate loosens, at least enough for you to think straight, not give in.
Here is the thing, the other day I was going to cut myself. Hell, who cares about one stupid month. Who cares about quitting, I want what I want. Those are some of the thoughts holding me down. I wasn't sure what to do, but that tiny part rooting to stay calm and make it through, I heard it. A little crowd in my head, all the people I know love me and want me to be healthy.
The people I would never want to let down, the people who would be crushed if I just happened to cut too deep.
So what did I do...
Well, It started with a butterfly. Some words. Then names. Fast they leaked onto my skin, I couldn't stop. Then more butterflies and words of simple encouragement.
There I was, staring at my front to back,side to side, top to bottom covered arm. If I wanted to cut I had to get through them.
It worked. The people I live saved me that time and they don't even know it. You people, you were all there with me, at that moment, holding me close.
So here is what I drew/wrote, although you can only see half of it I thought Itd get the point across, more or less.
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