Two Months

Its funny how when youre trying to overcome something the little things are so important. In the beginning its the days that were important and then the weeks and when the number of weeks is too hard to remember you start counting the months. Today, January 15, 2012, it has been exactly two months since I last self harmed. People tell me how proud they are that I have made it, but I wouldnt say that I am proud at all. I feel like two months is nothing, plus being hopeless for so long its hard to have even a little bit of hope that I  will keep it up, I mean, I have been here before, two months then fail, one month then fail, nine months then fail, its hard to think I will actually make it for good.

What is different about this time is that I decided that this is what I wanted, every other time it was because people pressured me to do so. I needed to do it at my own pace and everyone else wants to see quick results. I want this for myself, I want it for my loved ones, I want to do it, period. Its been a tough road the last two months, but hopefully this time it actual lasts and in ten years I can blog again about how far I have come.

For now, I guess, that I should be proud of myself. Two months is better than one day.