Medication

To get better you have to have the right meds.

...I hate that.

I have felt like a guinea pig since the get-go. They just try new meds all the time and hope they dont make you kill yourself. For me they may have messed up in the beginning, hence the psych ward. No, I am not fully blaming anything on the pills, but they are a huge factor, one that just pushed me over the edge.

Since March I would say Ive been on nine, or so, different medications, for depression, sleep, anxiety, and bipolar disorder. I have hated it since the beginning. I have never in my life liked pills, I mean more hated them, up until the pills I take now I refused to take even a headache pill.

Its a rough thought for me now even, I hate it still, but those professionals tell me I have to and I obey. I take nine pills every night, on the bright side I have gotten pretty good at taking several pills at a time, not just one at a time, that would probably take forever at this point.

The reason I bring this up is because I saw my psychiatrist last week, Marty, and I told him I havent been sleeping and my brain is scrambled and im anxious like crazy and yet he leaves my meds as is. I dont know what I expect, definitely not a magic pill, but sometimes I doubt that I have clue what they are doing. I guess maybe its because I am impatient or maybe its because Im just too tired to keep going and need them to figure it out.

Keep testing all the meds as if I am a guinea pig, your personal little experiment.