My posts have been few and far between, I haven't had a whole lot to share. I have been working pretty much seven to six everyday and am pretty exhausted, I crash as soon as I get home, pretty much.
Thing are rough right now, different than they were before, but rough nonetheless. I kind of feel lost, I'm uncertain of whats real or not, makes me feel crazy.
I have scared myself, being to numb to care about anything, too numb to decide whats too much, where is a limit.
Its scary being scared of yourself, if that makes sense to any of you.
A man I work with, Juan, tells me everyday "look at the bright side", "forget about the outcome, enjoy the journey", "what makes you happy", "be happy because God has given us everything we need and will guide us", ok well like I have gone over before, I am a major pessimist, but I try and enjoy my journey.
To enjoy my journey I must look at the small things, big things seem impossible, so when there is something that actually makes me smile, it a little spark I hold on for a long time. Example, the moon. For some reason it makes me so happy, so sometimes I just make sure to take the time and look at something so trivial to the world.
Also, being with people I enjoy, thats a big one. There isnt a whole lot of people that actually make me happy, but the ones that do are wonderful.
I think that seeing those little things is so hard when your brain is only able to see the bad, but it only means you have to work harder to see them and when you do they are that much more amazing.
So remember, Just Enjoy the Journey.
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